LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
