cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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