his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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