i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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