Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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