ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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