My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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