According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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