my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
