Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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