his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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