Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
