I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
