I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
