I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wear drunk well.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
