last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you traded sex for a burrito?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
