I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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