is wine microwaveable?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
PANTIES FOUND
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
