Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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