You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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