my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
too bad you live with your parents still
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The air was thick with penises
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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