Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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