Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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