be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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