i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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