I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
