I'm going to jail i love you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
