you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
