I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
