Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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