Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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