saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
