I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
