Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
