HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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