Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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