Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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