You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
