Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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