R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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