Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
