I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
