Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
