Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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