If i come over, it means nothing
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
