Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
