I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
