Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
