Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
