I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
