Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
