I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I touched a dick in church today
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
