bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
