and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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