well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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