She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
