White coat. Heels.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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