I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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