when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
