There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
