I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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