First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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