I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Randomize
