I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
